I Wonder What My Gravestone Will Say

I took a walk with my beagle, Boozer, recently and we ended up in the Smalltown Cemetery.  I noticed there were headstones dating back to the early 19th century, and read many of the inscriptions.  As I did so, it occurred to me that most of the gravestones said little, other than the length of […]

I Miss the Smalltown Barbershop

Smalltown lost its barbershop, an important social center for the men in this community, about ten years ago when old man Whitney dropped dead while giving my Uncle Herbert his monthly flat-top. Roland Whitney was old. He was the only barber I’d ever seen for a haircut until I was pushing fifty. Dad would take […]

My Grandfather Shouldn’t Have Been Driving

I remember when I was a kid, my grandparents would come to visit and my dad would always ask the same question when they’d arrive. “How was your trip?” “Great,” Grandpa would answer. “Your mother drove all the way. All I had to do was hold onto the steerin’ wheel.” It got funnier every time […]

Mothers Are Liars

Believe it or not, when I was a kid I’d sometimes tell stories that didn’t represent the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. As a result, when my mother found out that I’d stayed after school for shooting spitballs at Suzie Springer—and not because I’d volunteered to set up chairs in the […]

This Medication Will Help You (If It Doesn’t Kill You)

The older I get, the more I worry about my health. Like most young fools at 20, I thought I’d live forever—always healthy, no wrinkles, no gray hair, no hair loss. I’d be the first to get out of this world alive, well, and looking good. Thirty-some years later, I’m here to tell you that’s […]

You Can’t Drink Beer All Day . . . If You Don’t Start In The Morning

I like beer—beer is good. There’s nothing like a cold beer on a hot summer day, or a cold winter night, or . . . well, you get the idea. Beer drinking has become more complicated than when I started drinking beer in the late sixties. Back then, there were about six kinds: Bud, Schlitz, […]

8 Hunting Camp Characters You Might Know

I’ve been going to deer camp for well over 40 years—to the Wright Boys Camp up near Island Lake every year—but also to several others, at times, through my life. I’ve noticed that every camp has some characters in common. There’s always The Loudmouth—the guy who just never shuts up and spends most of his […]